WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
