you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
