even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
