Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
