girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
