dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
