I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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