i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
No more Irish car bombs ever.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
