god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
