Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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