google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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