I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
