if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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