My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
