i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
