I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
