Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
