I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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