the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
