ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
