She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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