Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
