I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
