Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
