No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
