TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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