Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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