I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He did a backflip because drugs
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
