pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
