I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Randomize
