the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
What a dumb baby whore.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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