Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
