Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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