That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
