"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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