No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
