You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
