I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
