why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
