We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
