She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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