1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
