Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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