So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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