We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
