Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Randomize
