i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
