just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
