3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
