My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
