he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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