And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
