she peed on how many people?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I have fence marks all over my body
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
